For immediate distribution to all benevolent organizations
Dear (insert church group, liberal activists, health care volunteers, students wanting to make a difference on spring break, humanitarians, and on and on and on):
This is official notification to everyone to cease coming to New Orleans immediately and giving of your precious and valuable time to help the recovery efforts after the biggest man-made disaster known in United States history. You see, there are many shady, unscrupulous, unethical individuals, cloaked in bureaucracy that are willing to exploit your humble, benevolent and FREE help to abet their own selfish devices. They are willing to claim your extremely generous offer of kindness and love for their own, and to profit from your efforts financially. I am guessing that none of these business profiteers has taken the time to contact you and inform you of what they are doing so you can at least deduct the monies and claim it as a tax break with the IRS.
And please don’t count on anyone with influence to answer to this claim either, those in power are too cowardly to face the music and admit culpability. (Amended – an appearance before the City Council did occur today). Plus the recovery czar that was supposed to make everything right is probably out of the country and hence not available to address the allegations of wrong-doing with this controversy.
So we hereby give y’all notice that in order to make your efforts count, and to ensure that you are not manipulated in an evil manner, that you immediately stop coming to New Orleans and instead concentrate all of your wonderful efforts on Mississippi and Alabama, and anywhere else that future storms will inevitably hit along coastal United States, BUT HERE. We concede that if needed, y’all are authorized to help south central and southwest Louisiana. However if you come to New Orleans you risk tempting every sick, despicable, selfish, unethical human with any sort of political access into committing fraud.
Please stop coming to New Orleans, we don’t deserve your compassion and help. We the citizens that do care can do it ourselves, it might just take us longer since y’all will no longer be available to help us. And the next time we are hit by a major hurricane, it could be the end anyway, so any help you would have considered giving will be moot.