waxing nostalgic

For the last few weeks, I’ve been revisiting a time in my life of which I have very fond memories. It was the winter of 2003. I had just quit what turned out to be a very oppressive job of 16 years, and was venturing away from New Orleans to relocate to Colorado for a spell. I had never lived away from New Orleans my entire life, not even to leave to go to school (I went to college in New Orleans). I was single at the time so it was just me and my dog, and we were on the road to ‘rado. I remember stopping near the Texas – New Mexico border at a rest stop, and letting my dog out to experience his first snow. The sun was shining and the snow was glistening and my dog was enthralled with all the white stuff. We went on, driving up the Arkansas river valley to Leadville to stay with a friend for a few days so I could go skiing. I remember driving each morning and afternoon on Colorado SR 24 back and forth to the ski area, absolutely beautiful days as I recall, and I vividly remember the feeling of elation. I think I was in that mode that entire year as I traveled around the country, also spending some time in northern Virginia, driving and catharting many prior years and instances of unhappiness.

I want that feeling again. I am yearning for it. I feel like I am trapped in a cage right now, and I cannot breathe. I know that my current situation will get better, and I will finish school, get back to work and get my life back, but at this moment I sit here trying to complete something and I desperately desire to be free. I have my companion at my feet, my dog I’ve had since he was 5 weeks old, and he has now become old. His health is failing, his heart is not functioning as one of a younger pup. It hurts me so much to see him get this infirmed, when he was with me and shared one of the happiest times of my life. I love my dog, and I hope he does not suffer. All I can do is make him comfortable and love him till his end comes. In the interim, I pray my own cage door opens and I can fly very soon once again…


~ by maringouin on Sunday, February 18, 2007.

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